Airplane Confessions #1

New blog series! I realized I love to write when I’m on a plane so here is something I wrote Saturday in the air. There will be more as we travel more:

Im sitting on a plane, about to begin our descent into Denver and Ive been thinking about being real… being vulnerable… and what does that actually mean nowadays. Those are definitely buzzword phrases right? I mean vulnerability and Brene Brown’s Ted Talks resonated with me so much that I watched them over and over again until they were a part of my mind. I still pop in every once and a while and re-watch, just to remind myself what the word “vulnerability” actually means, and not think of it as the empty shell word its kind of starting to become nowadays conversationally.

To me… real vulnerability is showing that imperfect side of myself.. the side that we are supposed to kind of keep to ourselves and our spouses. Its really easy in todays world to just edit edit edit down until what we have left is an image of ourselves that we have pruned down to the cleanest most uninteresting angle.

So in that spirit… here are some super current vulnerability points Ive got on my plate for the next week or so:

I am really really afraid of flying and we have THIS flight I’m on right now, then on to Rhode Island, then one to Texas, then one back to Raleigh. Three or four years ago it would really be no big deal but this fear of flying thing kinda hit me like a brick wall and I think about it weeks leading up to the trip and sometimes longer. Ive got a Xanex in me right now, which helps but feels like a fail to me somehow? A failure to “work through it” “overcome” “be brave” and all that garbage. Well… it also feels like a win too. Thats because I just saw this problem I was having, realized that there are a lot of other things I am working on with myself and dealing with the whole fear of flying thing and digging deep to eliminate that was just not what I wanted to do at the moment so… Xanex.

I always have at least one or two blemishes on my face literally all the time and it drives me nuts. Mostly because I don’t really like wearing makeup but I also don’t like seeing those… imperfections. Fitting for the topic eh?

Im about to meet two clients for the first time who booked us LONG in advance and we are staying in a cabin with them in the mountains in Colorado and Im scared they won’t like us and they will think they made a huge mistake in booking us. (Update: Amazing time and we are good. I just wanted you to know that we all feel like this sometimes.)

Im really feeling complicated about how un-vulnerable I am… and how vulnerable I want my clients to be with us. Not fair. At all.

I love you guys. Thanks for reading along and I hope this little snippet into my mind right at the moment made you feel a little better about your own behind the scenes.

<3 Bethany

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