Those of you who have been following along with us for a while might remember our attempt to move to Hawaii last winter. A small recap is that we attempted to move to Hawaii for the winter last year, hoping to use that time to heal from a year of great personal loss and heartbreak. We believed whole heartedly that we would be able to make that work and to our great disappointment, we had to return to the mainland after 10 days of searching for an apartment that never came. ( Here is a recap about that from last year: For I know the plans I have for you ).
Today is the one year anniversary since we landedÂ on the islands.
Im bringing it up again here becauseÂ I’ve been reminded of that time via my TimeHop app and it still makes me sad. With all the different ways we portray ourselves online, mostly showing only the best and happiest sides of ourselves, I guess it’s important to share some of the harder things too.Â It still makes me sad that we had to leave Hawaii, but not because of what people always assume the reason was. Yeah of course no one wants to leave Hawaii… duh. The other truth is that I didnt want to leave because I was terrified that the healing I was so longing for would not be able to happen anywhere else. I viewed Hawaii as a place that was MADE for healing the soul. It was far away from our normal life, and far away from anyone that knew us, and far away from the distractions of every day life for us. We were still as solid as ever and crazy crazy in love, but we both needed healing in a way that we had not been able to find in our lives to that point. IÂ just wanted to be surrounded by the ocean (on all sides), see rainbows every day, go hiking, do yoga, journal, and spend uninterrupted time with my little family. When it was taken away from us via closed doors in every single direction, I was heartbroken. I didnt think that Maine could stand a chance against that. Everytime someone wanted to talk to me about it I would just play it off, knowing that talking about how I really felt about the whole thing was a big can of worms that was hard to open. I just always shrugged it off and made a joke like “O well! Theres always next year! Ha!,” dying a little inside every time.
Fast forward one year and here I am sitting in a coffee shop in Alaska, looking out the window at snow and gorgeous evergreens. We have been here a week visiting some of our closest friends. In the past 365 days we have been to California, Hawaii (again!!), Puerto Rico (for the third time), Wisconsin, all over New England and North Carolina, and here to Alaska. We have lived in a tiny apartment in a very quiet part of Maine Â right by the ocean. Its been a really good year, and I have experienced healing in a differentÂ way that I expected and for that I am grateful.
I would be lying if I said that I don’t wish we could have made that work last year. Â The other side of that is that we have not given up on that dream and I whole-heartedly believe that we will be back again, perhaps even for a winter season. I thank God all the time for having Dan and I cross paths so he could hold my hand throughout this wild ride.
So there’s a little “behind the curtain” for you on this Wednesday. Mahalo for reading.